MY CHILD....., MY LITTLE ANGEL

" July 1999 I tested positive pregnant 2nd child. Of course we are very pleased and very grateful for this. At that time I was working in one of two groups of consumer goods company (owner is a father with his children) is quite large ... and Iam head of Corporate HRD at there ". 

The First Month Of Pregnancy :

Company Group I : ( The owner is the father with his younger brother ).

The company suffered a great tragedy in which all employees in the Human Resources Department ( HRD Corp. group ) had an accident, 2 people died instantly in the incident on the highway Cibubur - Jakarta, Indonesia. That night when I get the news that immediately went to The House of Grief  Eternal - Jelambar ( West Jakarta - Indonesia ) to see my friend's body. Oh My God ... in my condition which young pregnant .. I had to strengthen my mental side of the room facing the reality of work still talk in the morning in my room... but the night at the morgue already stretched stiff.

Spontaneous I shall hold my stomach, say so: " My Son be strong ...!! ".  I took the child in the baby reflex is so strong because his mother will definitely have to replace the entire task of HRD Corp., because there are more staff who live in HRD Corp Group I. 

The next day I had to go to the PMI Hospital - Bogor, West Java to look after my friends death certificate once again from the accident, his body was rushed to PMI Hospital. Oh my God ... more .. mental test me, I need to enter the morgue at the front door .. and .. I met an officer known to bathe the body ...!!! And that night ... my friends body in a hospital room PMI Bogor corpse arrived at the house  Eternal Grief in circumstances face shattered ...Oh My GOD .. again I muttered to myself ... so I look strong all ... Still have not finished my work, because one of my friends who are still critical in ICU Room  UKI Hospital - Jakarta.  Finally  for 1 month before she also died after the two friends ..."GOOD  BYE MY Friends... so I said at the funeral and burn their bodies."  

The Second Month Of Pregnancy  :

I'm having a pregnancy that I have to say very uncomfortable. How not ..., I was a little weak physical condition ... because .. walk a few steps I feel tired. Even for me is not strong for sit more than 5 minutes .., so I spend my time more with sleep. 

I don't want to eat other, except cooked vegetables and side dishes. Not to mention the condition of my baby who moving  INCREDIBLE .. (But if normal, the fetus begins to move at the age of 4 months). Finally I prefer NOT SIGN to WORK. 

And surprisingly everything I control a gynecologist, who is in a private clinic in South Jakarta ... doctor (female) talked about it like this: " Miss,  If not always good when ill or pregnant You never too Feel/Spoiled ... ". There are also annoying when he and I talked about it: " Doctor, I never expected her first child ... While waiting for their firstborn in my eighth month paralysis from the waist-to-toe ..., so I know if she is pregnant as it was ... But after my first child ... I can give birth to a healthy, even under normal with my baby weighs 3.8 kg Doc ". But, Doctor. say with his opinion that I should not be spoiled

The Sixth Month Of Pregnancy  :

I've felt the incongruity in pregnancy 2. Why? Because almost every night at dusk I always smell the scent of incense  ( And nobody in our neighborhood who put the incense). Not to mention my belly .. .. OVER .. because my baby's weight is similar to the fetal age of 9 months and had just entered the 6th month. It's as if walking .. Hold on my stomach because I felt so heavy ... But still, the doctor said: NORMAL. In fact, when the ultrasound ... doctors say that I contain identical twins ... CHILD male sex. At that time, the doctor said: Miss, then if you born your children .. I can to adobt 1 baby because I am wanted a child (because her children are female).

JANUARI  2000  :

I have to go home sick because I have a lot of points. We thought only a moment will stay in hospital was for 1 months or more pregnancy, finally invite questions team of doctors at the hospital. Until the day I recommended gynecologist to be examined at the Cipto Mangun Kusumo Hospital ( RSCM ). In the morning my husband was in the company of a male nurse, I was taken to RSCM for an ultrasound there. I pushed a wheelchair. You can imagine ... no, my whole body swell. Cheeks, hands, feet ... .. so that my body was swollen all meet wheel.

IN ULTRA SONO GRAFFIE  ( USG ) ROOM :

I'm in Ultrasound by  PROFESSOR  with the team. And what he said ... like the roar in our ears ... Prof Gulardi ask me: "Miss ..., where you husband come from ? And I answered : Lampung - Sumatra Island.   Then he asked again: "Who said that if the twins pregnant woman?" Hear it ... I feel .. . not good ... THERE MUST BE Something is not wrong. Then I answered:"  The doctor X....".  Then Prof. Gulardi  have to scold the doctor say this : X, If you work.. that work is careful and not careless. Who says this mother of twin fetuses. It FETAL SINGLE .. and must immediately STOP pregnancy because this..., FETAL DAMAGE / NOT HEALTHY. Apparently Professor questions about my husband came out of nowhere, no-nonsense questions. but lead to the cause of abnormality my son .. .. At that time ... My heart stopped for a moment. ONE FETUS? MUST determine the ? Oh My God.. don’t ...!!  He's my son ..., do not let her suffer and leave us before we saw it live ... !

SINCE  THAN :

After my ultrasound with Professor Gulardi, my condition was monitored by a team where I was treated in hospital. Actually ... I have to immediately stop the pregnancy. But Me and my husband insisted ... DO NOT WANT to stop the pregnancy. Because OUR BELIEVE   " MIRACLE OF GOD " We imagine that if our child .. forced OFF but it turns out she was born with a physical condition ... NORMAL, if you will not regret it for life? So others can maintain the baby in my belly if it is not our parents. Almost every day in the hospital medical team is always sick with the question: " Miss,, when you would STOP your PREGNANT ? Coz your LIFE THREATENED..? " Oh.. God .... I was faced with choices that are equally uncomfortable because:

1). If I continue the pregnancy  : My physical condition was weak because ... My stomach hurt all the time when the fetus moves ... sure my stomach will be tight and stiff ... not to mention I can only sleep on their backs and should be supported by pillows behind me because my body is so heavy burden mattress into an objection. Then my blood pressure rise and continue ... without feeling dizzy at all. The skin on my stomach like a balloon filled with water if too many looks very thin ... Because my weight up 22 pounds almost over ... so more ... 

2 ). If I abort this child: He is my son ..., the flesh and blood ... the period I have the heart and very cruel to his own flesh and blood.

Finally all that I would pray to DIVINE. I always say this: " God ... if YOU let her live .. surely he would born with  healthy, but do not let my mouth say ... " Doctor,  YES.., I am AGREE TO STOP THIS PREGNANCY". I just wanted God to set. If he should die ..., let him die in the baby or he was born and died on the spot .., but I do not let that stop breathing ...., GOD that took his breath ..., let the God who set his life .. . That voice is my prayer every day ....A few days later I was taken to the RSCM for fetal blood ... for these readers. Team doctors around me FETUS BLOOD time will be taken from above my belly button .... and what is happening ....??? FETAL BLOOD Apparently I was taken by 2 YELLOW color syringe syrup gloomy ... The color is not red anymore .... and LABORATORY party can not examine it because ... blood has been damaged.

Prof. show of hands: " Miss, sorry I can not sow to investigate the cause of all this because of damaged maternal fetal blood ...". Long story short ... I stick with my belief that I strongly believe in miracles LORD.

2  DAY  BEFORE  SURGERY  CONTENT  :

In the Night I am dreaming, I kept the child ... and my little boy to go so many troops stated on the sky, what would my child. Then I told them: " If you fancy Heaven, Please  STAMP  HEAVEN SHOW ... If not, I would leave my child to you ... because the Lord sent his OWN you take my child "!. So I threw out a challenge to my son. Then they go ... without leaving my child. I woke up ... and contemplate what I mean leader. We have concluded that we must adhere to our decision to retain the fetus has no conditions and no risk that I have to deal with… Although I feel pain, until who himself took him.

FEBRUARI 4, 2000  :

By late afternoon ... I feel there are loose from my neck ... something warm air. I am spontaneous say to my husband: " My husband, he is gone...". Our SON.  It is true ..., when the nurse checked my Fetal respiratory rate, pulse is not palpable anymore .... although many times seen nurse checked panicked and called the doctor. Around 21:00 the doctor came straight into my ultrasound .... The doctor doing the ultrasound is only about 1 hour long ... to see if my child is no longer breathe ... The result is ... " NO MORE BABY Miss " the doctor said with tears in their eyes (though it must tear fell from my eyes .. but I do not cry).

But ... I am just very grateful, I said to the doctor: "Doctor ... I'm happy, I am grateful that I and my son is released from this illness ..., my child is not suffering anymore ... and I also obtained ".  I am glad that the Lord has heard my prayer that only God take the life of my child without my child have to stop my breath Doc ".. I wondered why I did not feel sad or LOST time .. What is in my HEART SENSE OF THANKS GIVING only and thank God for His miracle for me and for us.  Because  my husband and I feel it is best for us all ....

But another problem emerged :  that night I could not operate to the already FETAL DEATH ..., because my blood tension above 200 so that should not be operasion because if the operating ... my blood difficult to freeze ... too DENGEROUS according to doctors. The medical rather panicked that night because I contain the bodies .. which should be removed .. because if not removed ... can be fetal blood vessels burst and poisoned me so that I will be involved in NO due to poisoning. So the tension down, almost every half an hour once I was given a blood pressure-lowering drugs either pills, injections so that the tension down and I was soon in operation.

FEBRUARI 5,  2000 :

Today is a DRAGON OF GOLD which according to many years of good luck. This morning about 7.00 am more ..., my blood pressure is considered safe by doctors for surgery immediately. So I immediately for check overall. Before entering the operating room , my FAMILY  got together and prayed for me to wrestle with death again. Remarkably ... "NO-ONE concern is" that I felled.  I see the faces of all my extended family just looked very worried and sad. I just smiled ...relax ..., BLESSED and RECEPTION ...

Shortly before I left word with  anesthesiologist that I did not want to see my child because I wore glasses with thick ... minus, and the effects of anesthesia should make it clear I'm not going to see my child's condition. Rather than later I wondered then down ... better not to see. Since I still have a responsibility to care for my first child as young as 3 years old ... at that time. Then the doctor asked me pushers: " Miss, are u willing to not see your baby ?" I replied: "I am .. a doctor who is very willing sincere, because we've been together for almost 7 months Let him go in peace doctor ...." And doctor said: "You're right ... that's what makes the fetus's mother to survive for months ... because if it is medically, cases like this will make the longest lasted only 3-month fetus, the rest .. she would fall, because fetus heart want to always close to the mother.

Finally, operating scissors my stomach tears ..., and  I heard the doctor said: "TUBE-TUBE ... quickly took a lot out some water stomach tube this miss..              " Apparently .... about 3 liters of water coming out of my stomach accommodated in the tube .... WATER ... What makes our hearts sink ... OUR CONDITION BABY : the entire outer skin peeled off ..., the only remaining inner skin that wraps the meat & bone. No wonder ... he was always moving fast when in the stomach ..., I was sick .. Mother .. (Perhaps the words that would he say to his mother ). I do not see my son ..., I saw him only from photographs alone ..., and even after 40 days.

During the day my son's body was buried  and given a name: "GILBERTUS NATUS SATOTO meaning CHILDREN WITH FULL FIGHT THE BIRTH WEIGHT OF EVERYTHING". In the night between the conscious and ..., I feel in my shoulder is holding ... tiny hands. Spontaneous I say ..., "SAFE STREET LOVE, SORRY MOTHER & FATHER can not drive until you are buried.  HAPPY IN HEAVEN  MY SON, CONTINUES TO BE A LITTLE ANGEL FOR MAMA . I was a child so that must fly to heaven to join the guard : His Father, Mother and His sister...in here...

MEDICAL  CONCLUSION : 

1). My son hit " ERRYTO fetalis HIDROP ": that according to doctors her blood to be damaged and destroyed And even  if he was born ... action that can be    done such as: 

a. Delete the original blood and replaced with new blood or

b. Enter the NICU and the child's body is borne by many cables that support life for life, but according to doctors would be in vain because soon after the birth of the child usually dies soon .. Why is the fetus can grow as long as it is because the kids still get survum (supply oxygen and nourishment from the mother).

2). Initial diagnosis doctors say my child ..., identical twins turned out it was a  " HALO / shadow ". Indeed, the few times we've seen on the screen of an ultrasound that the fetus was two movements and 2 impulses of the heart. But it was only a shadow only.

3). In fact, at that time my body will be opened by a doctor to find out why. Doctor assessed due to violation of Negative Rhesus  ( Prof. questions about home my husband turns out he thought I was married to Europeans that sometimes conflict with Rhesus Asia rhesus people). Why medical team would like to find out why. Because they were a little confused, after we ( I and my husband full for check about normal etc blood ... We all ). But big family, we do not allow autopsy ..., let my son to bed without were forged over ... While in the womb, already suffering from bad ... and will be buried to have reason.. not so our consideration.